THE BREXIT MASTERPLAN: A Public Relations Nightmare

As the strategists, analysts and journalists run around Whitehall trying to solve the mystery of the genius Brexit strategy of Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. It’s looking more and more each day like no one has a clue what’s going on. Still reeling from the resignation of his brother on Thursday, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson biff-baff-and-boffed his way through another disastrous public appearance on Friday. After 21 Tory MPs being deselected or resigning the whip for refusing to vote with the government, there stands Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, 35 police officers behind him, as though one of his generals had rebelled and there was a coup underway.

One of his generals had rebelled, but we’ll get to that. Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (ABDPJ) attacked the leader of the opposition Jeremy Corbyn at the press conference, as a continuation of the Conservative’s genius strategic campaign of calling him a chicken, and occasionally a girl, for refusing a general election.

The Sun ran with this bizarre and seemingly contradictory front page

During ABDPJ’s lengthy and politicised speech, in which ABDPJ attempted to recite the police caution and predictably embarrassed everyone but ABDPJ, a police officer almost fainted and had to take her seat. The political nature of the speech sparked outrage from a Chief Constable in attendance, who has said the press conference was intended to announce 30,000 new officers. Not to score political points. Then to top it all off, on Sunday morning the – aforementioned general – Work and Pensions Secretary Amber Rudd resigned.

In her resignation, she said: “I joined your Cabinet in good faith; accepting that ‘no deal’ had to be on the table…” However, I no longer believe leaving with a deal is the Government’s main objective.” She went on to address the “short-sighted culling” of her colleagues by ABDPJ: “I must also address the assault on decency and democracy that took place last week when you sacked 21 talented, loyal One Nation Conservatives.”

This marks Rudd’s 2nd high-profile resignation in 18-months

Amongst the disgruntled deselectees, or “Loyal One Nation Conservatives”, are Winston Churchill’s grandson Sir Nicholas Soames, Theresa May’s Chancellor Phillip Hammond and former-Chancellor and Father of the House Ken Clarke. ABDPJ has gone rogue under the advice of Chief Adviser, the media’s favourite boogeyman or strategic genius dependent on who you ask, Dominic Cummings. Sacking Tory party grandees and thwarting coups is all in a day’s work, but they don’t seem to have considered it’ll go down with the public.

The Tories are losing support on either side of the Leave/Remain divide, ABDPJ is the man who won’t compromise on No-Deal but cannot prevent parliament from blocking it. if Operation Yellowhammer, the leaked contingency planning for a No-Deal Brexit, is to be believed we are to expect medicine shortages, day-long queues at ferry ports and it even suggests we would need to stockpile body bags due to an increased mortality rate. Some troublemaking Remoaners, spouting Project Fear, would suggest that what’s contained in the leak is not only a public relations nightmare but a moral one, what do they know about the Will of The People.

While ABDPJ’s government is only getting started, I can’t help but think if this is how they’re going to perform on the campaign trail, we might be looking at another hung-parliament. In a situation as precarious as the one ABDPJ now finds himself in, anything short of a win is a loss. He said that he’d rather: “die in a ditch” than not Leave the EU on October the 31st, if his electoral prospects get any worse he might just do both.

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