Press, Paywalls and the Price of a Coffee

Twitter is awash with self-righteous journalists and clapping darts players, Keir Starmer is Labour leader and social distancing has rendered the first half of Andrew Marr unwatchable. Welcome to the new normal. The biggest ongoing COVID-19 story now is Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who spent two nights in intensive care.  

My Favourite COVID-Conspiracy

When the news hit that the Prime Minister had tested positive, I saw someone describing how much of a good job the PM was doing, they went on to say that they didn’t think he had Coronavirus. Once presented with the clip of the Prime Minister conforming his diagnoses, this person explained that he didn’t cough for the whole three minutes, so ‘how could he have symptoms?’

Now I don’t dare question this anonymous Twitter user’s medical credentials, but from a purely political outlook, this position is hilariously tragic. If only I could find that thread, we could find out what this sceptical admirer of the Prime Minister thinks of the latest news. The smart money is on them feeling like an idiot, but I prefer to think they doubled-down on Bullingdon boy Boris Ferris Bueller’ing the Prime Minister job, and through a hilarious chain of events not unlike a plot from Seinfeld, bluffing his way into an intensive care ward at a time of national emergency. My imaginary version of this stranger still likes the PM and thinks he’s handling it.

National Crisis (Behind the Paywall)

The new Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer published an article on the official newspaper of national record The Times where he described how he would unite the party and the steps he would take concerning COVID-19, this important information is available for the discounted rate of £15 per month. This is the second instance of The Times uploading relevant pandemic advice behind their paywall, Matt Hancock being the first. This offer includes their 'coronavirus newsletter' by email, which before the crisis was a free news brief.

Later the same day, Louis Theroux published his much-anticipated piece about Netflix documentary Tiger King, he interviewed it’s subject previously, when the article which Louis had teased hit Twitter, it was published - you guessed it - by The Times behind a paywall.

The Virus Doesn't (But Some Do)

Downing Street briefings are striking a strange tone as Health Secretary Matt Hancock is threatening stricter measures if people don’t start obeying lockdown on the watchable segment of Marr, despite the government’s figures showing that people overwhelmingly are following the rules. The steady flow of information from the government would be a positive, were it not for virtually every news-site periodically Tweeting conflicting lockdown timescales.

BBC, Sky and ITV have all been quick to point to Boris Johnson’s diagnoses and say it proves the virus ‘doesn’t discriminate’.

The highly publicised case of Scotland’s Chief Medical Officer Catherine Calderwood’s resignation raised concerns that many Brits are travelling to second homes to self-isolate, MPs representing holiday-home hotspots described quiet roads during the day and then ‘late-night traffic jams’ of people moving to their constituencies. Research by the NewStatesman found that almost all of these ‘hotspot’ constituencies have had funding to their local NHS cut in recent years.

Yet, The Sun – who broke the Calderwood story so have this information – have been shaming dog-walkers and commuting NHS staff all week. The Coronavirus may not discriminate, but I know who does.

Do Your Bit (And Give Us Your Money)

The Sun - with perhaps a misplaced sense of self-worth - launched a coordinated marketing offensive on the British consumer, a good four or five hacks urging people to buy the paper, ‘for less than the price of a coffee’, all ending with “do your bit #BuyAPaper’

I’d like to counter this predictably tasteless and cynical attempt to profit from the pandemic - ‘do your bit’ by staying at home and following NHS advice. If you feel so inclined, head over to the website of The Sun - while it’s still free - and don’t let News Group U.K.’s guerrilla marketing convince you it’s your moral obligation to trek out and buy a paper.